The starting point – The reason for the session

I had a female client (at around 30) who wanted to find out why she was self-doubting herself so much. So extremely much, actually, that she called her current situation paralysing. She explained how the extreme ambivalence toward anything she does makes her exhausted, frustrated, unproductive, and wasting all her time. And not least, stops her from living the life she wants to live.

‘This is the theme of my life! I don’t even remember when I wouldn’t have been like this! I have always gone back and forth! I over-think everything! And it just gets worse and worse over the years. It can take months for me to make even a small decision! I’m scared of choosing wrong. I’m very insecure about my own judgement. And even if I have used months for a decision, I start doubting it soon afterwards.’

She told, symbolically, she feels like a fully formed butterfly inside a cocoon, ready to come out, spread her wings and fly where ever she wants.

‘But what if…What if I can’t fly after all? What if my wings will be ugly? What if I’ll get eaten by a bird? What if I actually am not a butterfly at all? What if, in fact, I’m still a caterpillar?’

‘I have a near-panic attack all the time over stupid things!’

Even though she told the issue showed in all areas of her life, the most affected was her career.
She had been working for over 4 years as an assistant in a working place where she could, according to her education, work in a much higher position.
Even though a part of her felt safe and comfortable in the current position and very scared to make any changes,
an equally big other part felt frustrated and unmotivated in a position where she wasn’t allowed to use the skill level of her own education.
Years went past but she didn’t get herself to do anything to change the situation. Only that her frustration grew stronger and stronger. She felt she would have so much to offer, so much potential, and she wanted to show what she was capable of. But..every single time, before she managed to act on it, the self-doubt flushed away her dreams of climbing the ladder or having the courage for seeking another job with more responsibility.

Understanding the mind

This is a very typical situation of mind’s unconscious conflict that can persistently keep a person stuck in an uncomfortable life situation for years, unfortunately, sometimes thorough life.

Our minds can’t proceed in a conflict. It remains stuck until the conflict is resolved.

This can be extremely frustrating to a person. It can be very confusing. The person ‘knows’ what she wants to do. But who is then that ‘someone else within me’ who stops me from doing what I want to do?!

It’s as if there were two people within one fighting over who can decide what to do.

Luckily, these kinds of conflicts of the mind are possible, and often even quite simple, to resolve with help of Guided Psychedelic Experience.

The first session

The psychedelic substance helps a person to access places in their mind that they otherwise wouldn’t be able to. Psychedelics help to connect with the unconscious mind, the feeling mind. This part of our mind most often holds the answers we are looking for.
The person is able to become aware of the repressed, emotions and memories that are often the root cause of the client’s current issues.

During her session, she was able to see how and when she learned to doubt herself so much, in her very early childhood.
And also, how this created the never-ending fight between two competing ego states. The first of them was the authentic self that never lost the faith in herself. While the other one was the part of her who had learned to believe that all her natural feelings and reactions were wrong and shameful.
She was able to see patterns that explained the earlier unexplainable behaviour in her current life. It was all about the thinking patterns and coping mechanisms she created when she was just a little child.

‘Everything makes so much sense now!

‘I see it so clearly now; Whenever I naturally feel that I am making the right decision, I start to doubt myself. Because how could I be sure after being told for so long that the way I feel is wrong? Ever since I was 5, I haven’t been able to trust my own judgement, my intuition!’

The outcome

As I mentioned in the beginning, my client had been over 4 years in a job that she didn’t enjoy. A job where she couldn’t be herself, or have enough responsibility to keep herself motivated. But no matter what she had let this situation continue a year after a year making her extremely frustrated.

Just a few days after the session, my client had already started sending job applications. She told how positive and at peace she felt about starting to move forward and leaving her old job.

She also sent me the following message:

‘It’s a week now since my first session. I feel so much better! So much more positive than I felt before the session. And I keep on seeing more and more positive changes almost every day in my own behaviour, and how I think about myself and the future. You are an awesome therapist! Thank you for this! I’m getting so much out of it! I can’t believe how huge changes only 1 session can make! And I have a feeling that this change process just keeps on continuing. I can’t wait to see where this all takes me!’

The second session and the outcome

About a month after the first session we had another one.
The meaning was to find out the resistance she felt toward accepting the job she felt she would love and which could be available to her soon.
She had been invited to a job interview. She had felt very confident and relaxed during the interview.
However, afterwards, a part of her started to be anxious and scared of the thought of being selected for that job.
Again, it didn’t make sense to her.
So during the second session, we went after the answer.
The reason for the resistance had nothing to do with the job description itself. The actual reason was found from the traumatizing childhood experiences that had taken place in the same kind of environment she would be working in her new job.
Realizing this and going through the memories during the acute activity of the psychoactive substance, helped her to free herself from the hurtful experiences, and to cut any negative emotional connection between the past and the present.

Soon after the second session, my client kept me updated about the amazing news.
It had become yet easier for her to express and talk about her emotions. She was able to observe her own thinking patterns and understand where they come from. She told she felt a huge improvement in her decision-making and communication.

‘Look at you! There you are making big decisions easily! With confidence and trusting yourself! And knowing that your decision is the right one! I’m so happy for you!’

Just a few days after the second session I also received the following message:

‘They just called me from the new working place! I got the job! And I’ll say yes!
I’ll quit my old job tomorrow! I’m so excited! My guts tell this is the right decision!’